Sunday, March 11, 2012

I want more...

It is interesting that today as I was sitting in church, that I was thinking of my husband.  My best friend, was almost killed in an accident 11-30-10.  Believe it or not a bungee cord was the culprit.  He has been a truck driver almost the length of our relationship, which is 16 years.  I knew the next day as we waited for the upteen doctor to come "look" at his eye (he was a very exciting never seen case-10 doctors took his eye out of his head to inspect it in 4 days!) that God had something Huge in store for us.  I guess my title begins in 2001.  That is the year that I was baptized and truly began to want all of the Lord.  I remember every Sunday asking Wayne if he wanted to go to church with us and him having some excuse to why he needed to stay home.  Yes, I took my daughter and went to church by myself.  Envious of all the families that had their fathers/husbands with them.  One day the Lord spoke through the pastor's words directly to me.  He said that we had to be responsible for ourselves and that we couldn't make someone change their hearts, but the Lord could.  Well, I was so relieved.  Really, I felt a burden just come off me something quick.  I never asked him to go to church again and didn't feel envious of those families any more.  I prayed harder for him and ask God to change his world, allowing Wayne to accept him and be the spiritual leader of our home. 

In 2002 we had Anna.  She was born with hip dysplasia.  Our world came to a crashing halt.  Wayne, for the first time in our relationship, witnessed a miracle.  At that time, he had come to church a little and was making way on his journey.  He new that everyone we knew and all the people at our church were praying for her healing and that for miracle to be done.  And boy did he come through.  The week before this took place, the doctor stated that the condition wasn't getting better with the brace and for me to get a date for surgery lined up.  I took that request to Jesus.  I agreed with everyone that was in prayer for her healing. A week later at the next visit, miraculously the doctor was dumb founded and couldn't explain the change her in leg!  This was a catapult in our lives.

Wayne became a regular attendee at our church, started going to bible study, and church functions.  But even then I remember this is wonderful but I WANT MORE.  I know that their are women out there that wish that their husbands would just go to church (I had been one of them), but I wanted more.  Yes, it was fantastic that he made a huge step into religious activity.  But truly I wanted a spiritual leader for my children and me.

Later down the road, Wayne gave his life to Christ in a tree stand.  He asked God to take control and let him know what to do.  He has let go from his company the next day.  We were never happier.  We enjoyed each other and just talked about how this was what God wanted. I remember thinking, all I care about is now I know my husband is a kindred spirit! Thank you Lord, Thank you.

Since then he has had an accident that changed his perspective even more.  I notice a trend with Wayne that he has to be physically moved by the Lord.  Ya know, a little stubborn ;-) Honestly, this morning I sat wanting more.  I actually don't mind the religious activity.  I want God to have a hold of his heart in a mighty way.  I want him to pray with us, for us, for others, and seek out God's desires.  I want him to make decisions for our family and place them at the feet of Jesus.  Wow, that gives me chills just thinking about it.

So, you see...I am in love with this man.  I know one more person in love with him more than me-Jesus.  He wants him worse than I do.  God says that he knows the desires of our hearts.  These desires line up with him and it is so exciting to watch it all unfold before my eyes. 

Thank you Lord for my earthly best friend and husband.  He is a diamond in the rough and you are molding him so beautifully.  Thank you for his heart for my children and me.  I ask that you continue to grow him into the spiritual leader of this home.  I pray that he will have a passion for you that burns from within.  He is already a son of God and I know that you are waiting for the perfect time, so in that spirit please give me patience, understanding, and compassion for him.  I ask that you mold me into the wife that I need to be for him to take hold of you.  I want to make you proud of your servant and know that everything was done for you and you only.  You are so mighty and you have given and taken away from us.  But you are with us each step and we are alive because you died for us.  Thank you for experiencing my pain and turmoil. I thank you for your peace and comfort that you give to anyone who wants it.  You are my King, my Savior, and friend.  In all these things, I pray to you-Jesus.  Amen. 

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